My Coaching Method: Changing And Ignoring
Two Pillars of The Happy Turtle Method
We are taught to pay attention. If we don’t the signal persists. If ot is not this piece of news, it will be the next. Followed, restacked, repeated, re-liked. We are taught to embrace anxiety and fear. /we are encouraged to react to everything:
To every warning.
Every opinion.
Every criticism.
Every fear.
Every possible difficulty.
We are told that maturity means looking at everything, considering everything, understanding everything.
But at some point, I have begun to believe that this is not entirely true.
Some things must be understood.
Some things must be faced.
Some things must be changed.
And some things must be ignored.
Not because they are unimportant.
But because they have already received far too much importance.
There are thoughts, beliefs, people, images and predictions that should not be allowed to stand before us every day.
Because the mind writes what it sees.
What we keep placing before our eyes begins to enter our imagination.
What we repeat becomes familiar.
What becomes familiar begins to feel true.
And what begins to feel true, becomes the shape of our life.
So perhaps one of the most important things we can learn is this:
Where will I place my eyes?
Your Eyes Must Be Kept Too
We often speak about “keeping the mind”.
But the mind is continually receiving material from what we look at.
The lives we compare ourselves with.
The expressions on other people’s faces.
The news we consume.
The photographs we return to.
The old messages we reread.
The evidence we gather against ourselves.
The faces of the people whose approval we still seek.
The opportunities we believe have passed us by.
We look at something again and again, and then wonder why it occupies our mind.
We stare at the closed door and forget that there may be another entrance.
We keep looking at what went wrong and ask why we cannot imagine what may still go right.
We study other people’s lives so closely that our own becomes blurred.
Your eyes must be kept too.
Not by fear.
Not in withdrawal from the world.
But with care.
Because not everything deserves to be written into your eyes, your mind and your being.
Go Behind Me
There is an old and forceful expression:
Get behind me.
Get behind me, fear.
Get behind me, the voice that says I am too old.
Get behind me, the belief that I must ask permission.
Get behind me, the memory of the person who did not choose me.
Get behind me, the prediction that because something has not happened yet, it never will.
This is not denial.
It is an act of authority.
There are moments when we have examined a belief long enough.
We know where it came from.
We know who first planted it.
We know how it affected our choices.
We know how much it has cost us.
At some point, we must stop inviting it back into conversation.
We do not need to debate with every old belief each morning.
We do not need to persuade it to approve of our new life.
We can simply say:
I know you.
I know where you came from.
But you do not walk before me anymore.
Get behind me.
Ignoring Is Not Pretending
There is a great difference between ignoring and pretending.
Pretending says:
Nothing happened.
I am not hurt.
There is no problem.
Everything is fine.
Ignoring says:
I have seen this.
I have understood what it is.
I have decided whether it requires action.
And I will not allow it to govern me.
This distinction matters.
A serious problem must not be ignored.
A repeated pattern in our relationships may need to be examined.
Our sleeping and eating patterns may be telling us that something must change.
Financial difficulty may require a practical response.
Grief must be given room for exhale.
A betrayal must be acknowledged.
A wound may need care.
But after something has been acknowledged, we must ask another question:
Does this still need my attention, or has my attention become the very thing keeping it alive?
Some things need healing.
Some things need action.
Some things need a boundary.
And some things need to be left without another glance.
Not Every Thought Is a Message
We have been taught to treat every thought as meaningful.
But not every thought is a revelation.
Not every fear is intuition.
Not every doubt is wisdom.
Not every hesitation is a warning from the soul.
Sometimes a thought is simply an old thought.
It appears because it has appeared many times before.
It speaks with confidence because we have listened to it for years.
It feels powerful because we have given it repetition.
It may say:
“You always fail.
Nobody will be interested.
You have left it too late.
You are not the kind of person who succeeds.
You should be grateful for what you have and stop asking for more”.
These thoughts may feel familiar.
But familiarity is not truth.
And repetition is not prophecy, unless we self-fulfill it.
There comes a moment when we must refuse to treat an old belief as if it has arrived carrying new information.
What Must Be Acknowledged?
Something must be acknowledged when it contains truth that can help us.
When it shows us that a boundary has been crossed.
When it reveals that our behaviour is harming us.
When it points to a choice we keep postponing.
When it tells us that our body, our finances, our relationships or our work require attention.
Acknowledgement means looking clearly.
Without exaggeration.
Without shame.
Without making the situation our identity.
We see what is there.
We decide what it requires.
We take the necessary action.
Then we continue.
Acknowledging a circumstance does not mean worshipping it.
It does not mean placing it before our eyes every day.
It does not mean building an altar to what went wrong.
What Must Be Ignored?
We must learn to ignore what repeatedly pulls us back into an identity we no longer choose.
The opinion of someone who has never understood us.
The fear that appears whenever we attempt something new.
The thought that “everyone is watching”.
The demand that we must be perfect before we can even begin.
The comparison that makes us abandon our own pace.
The memory that has already been understood but still asks to be replayed.
The person who reminds us of who we used to be so that they can keep linking us.
The evidence we collect to prove that life will disappoint us again.
These things may appear.
We cannot always stop them from appearing.
But we can stop placing them in front of us.
We can stop rereading.
Stop checking.
Stop returning.
Stop asking the wrong person for an opinion.
Stop looking for proof that the old belief was right.
Ignoring is not passive.
It is a choice about where we will no longer look.
The Mind Writes What It Sees
This is why we must choose carefully what we place before ourselves.
When you wish to begin again, do not spend every morning studying your failures.
When you wish to believe in love, do not continually return to the person who taught you rejection.
When you wish to create work of your own, do not stare only at those who began before you.
When you wish to become stronger, do not repeat the sentence that once made you small.
Place another image before your mind.
Not a fantasy.
A direction.
A possibility.
A truer belief.
See yourself sending the proposal.
See the room prepared.
See the words written.
See yourself speaking without apology.
See the home as you wish it to feel.
See the relationship as it should be lived.
See the work that would make use of what you carry.
See the life you want to live before it has fully arrived.
This is not because looking alone creates everything.
It does not.
But we cannot move steadily towards what we continually refuse to see.
Choosing What to See
This is part of the Belief Work I do with my clients.
We identify the belief that has been directing their choices.
Sometimes it is obvious.
Often it is not or it is completely different from what they thought it was.
It may be hidden beneath procrastination, overthinking, perfectionism, repeated disappointment or the feeling of always being almost ready.
The belief may be:
“I cannot trust myself.
I must struggle to deserve good things.
It is dangerous to be seen.
Love always ends in abandonment.
I am too old to begin again.
My needs are too much.
Success belongs to other people.”
We bring the belief into the light.
We examine whether it contains truth, fear, inheritance or an old conclusion formed during a painful time.
Then we transform it.
This does not always require months of endless examination.
For a clear and focused belief, a significant transformation can often happen within one to three sessions.
But the work includes something else too.
I help my clients decide what they must stop placing before their eyes.
Which opinions must no longer be consulted.
Which memories must no longer be rehearsed.
Which fears must be acknowledged but not obeyed.
Which circumstances require action.
Which voices must be told to stand behind them.
And what they must now choose to see instead.
Because a new belief needs somewhere to look.
A Practice
When a thought, fear or opinion appears, ask:
Does this require action?
If it does, take the action (we do it together, step by step).
Does this reveal something that must be transformed?
If it does, we work with the belief beneath it.
Or is this an old voice asking once again to stand in front of me?
Then we work along these lines:
I have seen you.
I have heard you.
You do not lead me.
Get behind me.
And them we turn your eyes towards what you are creating.
Not because the old belief never existed.
But because it no longer deserves the best seat in your life.
What Are You Still Looking At?
What have you kept before your eyes for too long?
Whose opinion are you still consulting?
Which moment do you continue to replay?
Which closed door have you mistaken for the whole house?
Which fear do you keep treating as foresight?
Which old version of yourself still appears whenever you try to choose more?
And what would happen if you turned your eyes elsewhere?
Perhaps you do not need to analyse it again.
Perhaps you do not need another explanation.
Perhaps you need to decide:
This must be acknowledged.
This must be transformed.
And this must be ignored.
Not everything that speaks deserves an answer.
Not everything that appears deserves your gaze.
Your mind is writing from what you place before it.
Choose carefully what it will see.
Work With Me
In my focused Belief Work sessions, we identify the belief that is keeping you tied to an old pattern, decision or version of yourself.
Together, we distinguish between what must be acknowledged, what must be acted upon and what must no longer be given your attention.
We transform the limiting belief into a powerful new one and begin to build the thoughts, choices and actions that support it.
For a focused belief, a profound shift can often take place within one to three private sessions.
You may not need more time with the old story.
You may need help deciding what belongs before your eyes now.
And what must finally be told:
Go behind me. Forever.