How not to be cheated

Expectations, illusions and the road to You

There is something I must tell you.

You have been cheated. Multiple times.

Multiple people have disappointed you. That is what most people do. They make promises, then withdraw. They make you believe, then disappear when you need them most.

But more than anyone else, it is you who has cheated on yourself.

I know why.

You created an illusion. We all do. We build a reality we long to live in. One we can shelter ourselves from the thunderstorm, from the relentless heat.
But the moment that reality we create depends on others, it escapes us.
Because their willingness to meet us on our reality, shifts. Sometimes vanishes. People get comfortable in what they know. In what they are told they must expect. And they go back to their old, comfortable ways.

I know it is not easy to sit on this thought, but for the length of this piece, do.

I know it sounds lonely. But it is the recipe for not being lonely ever again.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

I know that this is not easy to accept. It takes time. Years. Sometimes decades.
Not to become hardened or shallow, but to truly inhabit who you are.

One of the deepest self-betrayals is believing that peaking into other people’s projected lives will make you happier.

I have heard many women i work with talk of the expectations placed upon them:
what to study, who to marry, how to live.

Some complied, and found themselves unhappy early on.
Others rebelled, and found themselves unhappy later.

The difference is time.

A life built on someone else’s expectations will eventually ask to be readdressed. You may avoid compliance with yourself because of fear of hurting others. Until they hurt you.

As a woman, as a mother and as a coach, I believe that it is always best to make your own mistakes and find your answers from those.

Another betrayal is believing that you have the power and can change people. That your love, your patience, your presence will make them see and change. That through your presence they will become better people - and they may, only at the cost of your losing yourself.

The real question is not whether they will see the light, but whether you are willing to.

Are you softening the truth to avoid rejection, to soothe your fear, to stay where hope makes it comfortable?

I know, we all need comfort. We all need a place to shelter our hearts, to get our strength back. Often though, that kind of comfort is an illusion. Those illusions are called in the jargon “shadow comforts”.

They are lack of trust, because love was not given to you unconditionally from parents who did not know how, or, quite frankly, were not fit to become parents.

They are lack of confidence, because who you knew you were did not match what was expected of you or mirrored onto you.

They are lack of faith, because you were taught to or had to place faith outside of yourself.

And perhaps the biggest illusion of all:

That you must always move forward, like a train that never stops.

No time to look back, because it hurts. No time to look around, because you are chasing “better.” And so you forget that the present you are living was once the life you longed for.

Maybe you it is time to pause. See it. Acknowledge how far you have come. What mistakes you have made. What you owe yourself to do better. And then, from that place of clarity, build your next vision. Only, this time, do not carry others with you. Not your parents, not your peers, not the book and film fiction. Remember to bring yourself to be present in the process of your life.

Do not give your power away. Do not negotiate your self.

If you fail, you will know how to rise, and where and how to go next. If you succeed,
you will know that your reality is built on real foundations, not illusions and lies. Make your reality built on you.

If you are in a time of transition, I am here to coach you on walking that path.

Blessings,
The Happy Turtle